All My Affairs Blog

AllMyAffairs.com anticipation

AllMyAffairs.com looks like it will launch on schedule.  That means the middle to end of October.  It has evolved from a sober social network into a place to share your gratitude towards a recovery organization that has helped you.  (a non-anonymous organization).  It will also be a place to help out that organization financially through your everyday shopping.  As it has evolved, it has become more about giving and less about me.  That's a good thing.  I'm very excited for the launch.

As excited as I am, it is difficult to stay in the moment and say, "Whatever happens, happens."  I constantly think back on the past.  How did it get here?  What if I hadn't accepted investor money and just done something else?  Would I be better off?

And I think about the future.  What if a million people use it?  What myriad of problems and attention is that going to bring?  And what if no one ever uses it?  Months and many dollars wasted.  What am I going to do then?  Am I going to go practice law? (It's funny how with everything else I've admitted about myself, I have trouble admitting I'm a lawyer.)

And I notice:
I'm too negative.
I'm too fearful.
I see things only in black and white.
I'm a lawyer.

Well, I guess all those things can be quelled with practice. 

It's funny - I have never before said, "I'm excited."  It's too risky.  It exposes me to too much possibility for hurt.  But I said it, "I'm excited."  And I am.  Come what may.

"I'd rather be happy than right."

I heard someone say last night that he'd "rather be happy than right."  Thanks Mark, I feel the same.

I spent a short lifetime wanting to be right in all situations.  Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't.  But my ups and downs, in many ways, were determined by how much I had to fight to be right.  Because even when I wasn't, I was going to convince myself (and you) that I was.

I just read a book called Fooled by Randomness.  It made the point that humanity and especially the United States, look down on those who change their mind.  It is seen as a bad thing to completely reverse course based on new information.  Instead of incorporating the new information into our outlook (and thereby changing our outlook), we adjust how we see the information so that it fits our outlook.

This is dangerous.  There are countless examples of this in the world, but I'll let you come up with your own, lest I alienate people from my website's goal to help recovery.

First-class human beings and human frailty

I have little patience for human imperfection.  Mine or anyone else's.  It is a horrible, horrible character defect.  I hold myself to an impossibly high standard and when I don't meet it, I take it out on others who have also not met my high standards.

I watched The Philadelphia Story last night.  Dexter says to Tracy, "You'll never be a first-class human being until you've learned to have regard for human frailty." 

If there is no better or worse, no first-class or second-class - there is healthy vs. sick, compassionate vs. uncompassionate, connected vs not connected.  I need to aim to be, in all cases, the former.

(And forgiving of myself and others when we are not.)

Attraction Rather Than Promotion

Here is the very basic of how search engines, and Google in particular, work:

The websites that have the most links to them from other websites appear the highest in the search engines.

That is an incredibly simplistic explanation, but full of truth nevertheless.

Sounds a little bit like the attraction rather than promotion model of public relations.  Google's traditions (at least for their search engine algorithm) are not entirely dissimilar from some other important traditions.

Is knowing your own weaknesses the greatest skill in life?

I believe it may be.

And the greatest gift may be the ability to ask for them to be removed.

6 + 7

Some of my greatest weaknesses are

1. Thinking I know a lot.
2. Comparing what I know to what others know.
3. Being too self-reliant.  Thinking if I will it hard it enough, it will happen.

These are, of course, only a few of my weaknesses.  I have many.  The irony is, if you asked me two and a half years ago, I would have said these were some of my strengths.  Progress.

Spiritually Sick isn't a real sickness

Plenty of people get sober without "formal" treatment from a treatment organization.  (As opposed to directly into AA, NA, or via some other method.)  Recovery would still exist without "treatment."  But my belief is that these organizations play a vital role.

So why are there so few of them?  Especially quality non-profits?

For instance, cancer and hiv/aids, to name only two, have far more non-profits dedicated to treatment, research, and education than alcoholism/drug addiction/substance abuse.  Cancer and hiv/aids organizations are clearly causes worthy of a great deal of support and resources.  But on a percentage of population basis, my anecdotal guess would be that substance abuse is a larger problem.

So why the disparate support and resources?

The only thing I can come up with is stigma.  "Alcoholics and drug addicts are weak.  They have no will power." 

Despite an evolving  popular mindset on the issue, this is still the feeling of many.

For over two years I tried to quit drinking.  Everyday the thought was, "I just need to get to nine o'clock.  Then the liquor store will be closed and I can go to bed."  My car no longer worked if I had any alcohol in my system, so I needed only to make it past nine, then get a little klonopin help, and I could make it through the day without a drink. 

7-9 every night were the longest hours of my life - and I had to live them everyday.  (Most nights I broke down at 8:57 and sped to the liquor store.)  It wasn't about will power. 

I can play squash for twenty minutes after I believe I've had a heart attack.  I can smoke a pack a day, then run for miles.  I can work everyday and most nights on something that may never show me dollar one.  And keep at it through doubts - because that is my vision.  I have will power.  Actually, a ton of will power.  But I couldn't stop filling my glass if you had a gun to my head.

I was sick.  Bodily, mentally, and spiritually sick.  It's the spiritually part that bothers some people.  It is my belief that spiritually sick, while maybe not on its way directly into the DSM, will increasingly be recognized as a serious ailment.  As much in need of treatment as cancer.

I'm grateful that there are organizations that help treat, educate about, and prevent substance abuse.  I just wish there were more.  I'm happy the alcoholism stigma is ebbing.  I just wish it was going slightly faster.  I'm happy, and grateful for the chance, to do my part in making my wishes reality.

Sorry about the slightly rambling post.  I guess I had more on my mind than I thought this evening.

An Hour a Day

I have a dear friend who is not happy in his corporate job.  He isn't about to jump off the roof, but clearly not pleased.  Either he actually does have to stay awhile or he believes he has to stay awhile.  Whatever the case, he's staying (awhile). 

He's got a passion and he's intelligent.  And his passion, like 100% of all passions out there, could lead to a full time career/job/business.  More importantly, it could lead to happiness. Therefore, pursue it.  If nothing more than an hour a day.

John Grisham started writing A Time to Kill while he was practicing law in the 80's.  His goal in the beginning - one page per day.  That's it!  One page.  Probably took him an hour.

I like writing, I like the web, I like web business.  Plus, nothing clarifies thoughts like reading blogs and writing one.  So my answer to everything is start a blog.

Maybe not the right answer for everyone.  But an hour a day probably is.

I have a dear friend who is not happy in his corporate job.  He isn't about to jump off the roof, but clearly not pleased.  Either he actually does have to stay awhile or he believes he has to stay awhile.  Whatever the case, he's staying (awhile). 

He's got a passion and he's intelligent.  And his passion, like 100% of all passions out there, could lead to a full time career/job/business.  More importantly, it could lead to happiness. Therefore, pursue it.  If nothing more than an hour a day.

John Grisham started writing A Time to Kill while he was practicing law in the 80's.  His goal in the beginning - one page per day.  That's it!  One page.  Probably took him an hour.

I like writing, I like the web, I like web business.  Plus, nothing clarifies thoughts like reading blogs and writing one.  So my answer to everything is start a blog.

Maybe not the right answer for everyone.  But an hour a day probably is.

As Good as it Gets

What is this thing Recovery and how is it supposed to play into our lives?  I mean, is this all we've got.  What am I supposed to do, go to meetings for the rest of my life and that's it?  Is this as happy as I'm gonna get?

These were some of the questions posed to me recently.  I'm the advisor (o or e?) who is supposed to answer questions like these.  Wow, that proposition still scares me.  But all I've got is my experience, so that's what I shared.

This thing is a launching pad.  A foundation.  It shows you how to live a life when you don't have a clue.  But it starts to give you a clue.  You start to understand a little bit about humility, compassion, and kindness.  You even become acquainted with the concept that it is actually better to help someone else than help yourself.  Great principles of existence are revealed and they start to become part of you.  You may not always remember them, but you always know that if forgotten too long, there is a reminder on a random wall in a random room in your random town.  A foundation is plain white.  Intricate architecture gets built on top of it.  Recovery is not all there is.  Recovery's the foundation, the blueprints and, depending on your experience, some of the architecture.  But it needn't, nor could it, be the whole building. 

My experience is not long, therefore it may not hold much weight to say that my life just keeps getting better.  But I listen to the people with a decade or two or five say that it keeps getting better everyday.  Not just easier not to take a drink, but the fourth dimension kind of better.  Where you have nothing but gratitude, and negative emotions pass like an interrupted dream in the morning.