All My Affairs Blog

$49.28 generated so far for recovery

A total of 24 members have generated $49.28 for recovery through their online purchases at AllMyAffairs.com.  It may not seem like a lot, but that is only in about one month's time.  It also means that 1000 members will generate nearly $25,000 a year.  That will help out a lot of people.

My Mom told me my website sucks!

Just kidding, but my mother just ripped AllMyAffairs.com to shreds!  She told me she couldn't understand what was going on, she didn't know how to use it, and I wasn't clear in what I was trying to do with the site.  God Bless Mothers!

I can't wait to make some of the changes she suggested.  We sat for about an hour talking about the site - what works and what doesn't.  I'm incredibly grateful for her help!

The first week has also seen a number of problems, not the least of which was the site being down twice - once for a day, the other time for a few hours.  We are resolving the issues as they arise.  Thanks for the patience.  Hope your weekend is good! 

AllMyAffairs.com has launched (sort of)

The site is up, but we are still working through a number of issues.

Certain Site Elements like Contact Us, Password Retrieval, and Google Ads need to be fixed.  The developers and I will be working on this over the next two days.  Hopefully, everything should be set by Tuesday or Wednesday.

In addition to fixing bugs, this week we will be talking to our recovery causes and adding new online stores to increase choice and recovery dollars.

We are making progress.  There is such thing as perfection.

AllMyAffairs.com anticipation

AllMyAffairs.com looks like it will launch on schedule.  That means the middle to end of October.  It has evolved from a sober social network into a place to share your gratitude towards a recovery organization that has helped you.  (a non-anonymous organization).  It will also be a place to help out that organization financially through your everyday shopping.  As it has evolved, it has become more about giving and less about me.  That's a good thing.  I'm very excited for the launch.

As excited as I am, it is difficult to stay in the moment and say, "Whatever happens, happens."  I constantly think back on the past.  How did it get here?  What if I hadn't accepted investor money and just done something else?  Would I be better off?

And I think about the future.  What if a million people use it?  What myriad of problems and attention is that going to bring?  And what if no one ever uses it?  Months and many dollars wasted.  What am I going to do then?  Am I going to go practice law? (It's funny how with everything else I've admitted about myself, I have trouble admitting I'm a lawyer.)

And I notice:
I'm too negative.
I'm too fearful.
I see things only in black and white.
I'm a lawyer.

Well, I guess all those things can be quelled with practice. 

It's funny - I have never before said, "I'm excited."  It's too risky.  It exposes me to too much possibility for hurt.  But I said it, "I'm excited."  And I am.  Come what may.

"I'd rather be happy than right."

I heard someone say last night that he'd "rather be happy than right."  Thanks Mark, I feel the same.

I spent a short lifetime wanting to be right in all situations.  Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't.  But my ups and downs, in many ways, were determined by how much I had to fight to be right.  Because even when I wasn't, I was going to convince myself (and you) that I was.

I just read a book called Fooled by Randomness.  It made the point that humanity and especially the United States, look down on those who change their mind.  It is seen as a bad thing to completely reverse course based on new information.  Instead of incorporating the new information into our outlook (and thereby changing our outlook), we adjust how we see the information so that it fits our outlook.

This is dangerous.  There are countless examples of this in the world, but I'll let you come up with your own, lest I alienate people from my website's goal to help recovery.

Spiritually Sick isn't a real sickness

Plenty of people get sober without "formal" treatment from a treatment organization.  (As opposed to directly into AA, NA, or via some other method.)  Recovery would still exist without "treatment."  But my belief is that these organizations play a vital role.

So why are there so few of them?  Especially quality non-profits?

For instance, cancer and hiv/aids, to name only two, have far more non-profits dedicated to treatment, research, and education than alcoholism/drug addiction/substance abuse.  Cancer and hiv/aids organizations are clearly causes worthy of a great deal of support and resources.  But on a percentage of population basis, my anecdotal guess would be that substance abuse is a larger problem.

So why the disparate support and resources?

The only thing I can come up with is stigma.  "Alcoholics and drug addicts are weak.  They have no will power." 

Despite an evolving  popular mindset on the issue, this is still the feeling of many.

For over two years I tried to quit drinking.  Everyday the thought was, "I just need to get to nine o'clock.  Then the liquor store will be closed and I can go to bed."  My car no longer worked if I had any alcohol in my system, so I needed only to make it past nine, then get a little klonopin help, and I could make it through the day without a drink. 

7-9 every night were the longest hours of my life - and I had to live them everyday.  (Most nights I broke down at 8:57 and sped to the liquor store.)  It wasn't about will power. 

I can play squash for twenty minutes after I believe I've had a heart attack.  I can smoke a pack a day, then run for miles.  I can work everyday and most nights on something that may never show me dollar one.  And keep at it through doubts - because that is my vision.  I have will power.  Actually, a ton of will power.  But I couldn't stop filling my glass if you had a gun to my head.

I was sick.  Bodily, mentally, and spiritually sick.  It's the spiritually part that bothers some people.  It is my belief that spiritually sick, while maybe not on its way directly into the DSM, will increasingly be recognized as a serious ailment.  As much in need of treatment as cancer.

I'm grateful that there are organizations that help treat, educate about, and prevent substance abuse.  I just wish there were more.  I'm happy the alcoholism stigma is ebbing.  I just wish it was going slightly faster.  I'm happy, and grateful for the chance, to do my part in making my wishes reality.

Sorry about the slightly rambling post.  I guess I had more on my mind than I thought this evening.

I am completely without fear

• I could not write the code for a complicated website if there was a gun to my head.
• My project manager is a guy named Vikas.  I've never met him. Never even spoken to him on the phone.  He lives 11 time zones away.
• Implementation will probably be magnitudes harder than I think it will be.
• My ideas on introducing people to All My Affairs are ... unconventional.
• I've spent three months and $22,000 ... so far.
• I only have $10K left.
• The longest hours are yet to come.
• I have no idea if anyone will ever use it.
• Once it is released I will need to work and work some more making it better.

but,

• I'm grateful.
• I Love.
• I'm Loved.
• It is the right project for me.
• I'm doing what I believe in.  I'm passionate about it.
• I'm giving it 110%
• As Paul Simon would say, "My momma loves me."

What else is there?  Pursue what you believe in 110%.  Leave the rest to chance, because after your part, nothing more you can do anyway.  (I did my homework, worked a business plan, researched, planned, discussed, whatever, whatever, whatever.  In the end, I believe, that stuff isn't why you fail or succeed.  I'm not sure what is, I'll tell you when I get there.) 

But like I said, I'm going to leave it all on the field.

I read today that there is a difference between fear and anxiety. Fear is the reaction to a bad situation that keeps you alive, healthy, happy, etc.  Anxiety is making up the bad situation in your head.  I've got anxiety.  About allmyaffairs.com: I don't have enough recovery causes, these merchants don't want to work with me, I'm going to run out of money, this thing will never get off the ground.  Blah, Blah, Blah.  That's anxiety.  I'm grateful I can recognize it as such.

Recognize and ignore anxiety and leave it all on the field.  That's how I became completely without fear.

Thanks to the Big Moo for helping my thoughts on this one.  It's funny, the best business books are spiritual.  And I've learned a lot about business from The Dalai Lama and a guy named Chuck C.

Anonymity Online

One issue I have thought a fair amount about when developing an online resource for recovery is the principle of anonymity.  "We always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films."

I'm fairly certain 12 step pioneers did not envision blogs, social networks, or the online world in general.  So I guess what was the intent?   MY guess is that one person helping another online would not only be allowed, it would be encouraged.  Anonymity need not be broken.  Besides, maximum service is the mandate.  What about the blogger who reveals her identity in order to be of maximum service?

Bill Moyers wrote a book called Broken, where his 12 step membership is publicized.  He states

"Not talking about my program of recovery would be like a marathon runner not talking about training. Although I'm breaking my anonymity, I protect the anonymity and confidentiality of others in the program. This is everybody's story: the still-suffering alcoholic, recovering people and families, and, hopefully, those who don't have a clue about my disease. I wrote this book to help smash the stigma of addiction and carry the message."

How much you want to say, do, think or feel with respect to anonymity and recovery is completely up to you.  After all, this isn't a cult.  The online recovery community AllMyAffairs will have first name, last initial.  In addition, though there will be a place for pictures, images of anything and everything are encouraged.  Your face is completely optional.  AllMyAffairs will be a place of a larger message.  Though individual thoughts and reiterations of group thoughts are what drive recovery, the individual is far less important than the whole.

On a slightly different note, I met a girl last night who leaves for college in a week.  It is a small school in a small town with no recovery community.  It occurred to me how important online recovery is.

AllMyAffairs.com

We have a tentative launch date for our private release.  October 20th.

It is a sober social network with a twist.  Your actions support recovery causes.  There will be more details to come, but for now I would love to hear any and all thoughts about which recovery causes should be supported.  There are no restrictions as of yet (501c3, # of members, etc.) so please, tell me what you think.  Tell your friends to tell me what they think.  The only requirement is the desire to further recovery.  Thoughts can be emld to:  byron a t  allmyaffairs dt com. 

If you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, but want to know more, shoot me an email.  If you would like to be part of the initial private release, go to AllMyAffairs and submit your name and email. 

A note on the development process.  I am using an Indian development firm.  I keep waiting for them to say, "You got got.  Thanks for the cash."  Yes, I'm actually waiting for them to say it, not just do it, which would, of course, be the way it would happen.  I don't know if this is a fear born of doing business in a strange digital age or my own instinctive skepticism.  Certainly both.  But I've done my best in choosing a firm and I will roll out my parts of the development process on schedule.  Perhaps the rest isn't up to me.

Some thoughts, maybe a rant

Some thoughts for today:

1.

When someone comes back into my day-to-day, back into the rooms I go to, or back into my circle of influence, I am grateful.  I am happy.  This is true whether they've been gone for two weeks or two years.

We needn't discuss where they've been, why they left or why they came back.  Sometimes it is discussed because it is important for them.  But it doesn't need to be discussed.  So if you've left for some reason and are afraid to come back for how it will all go down or how you'll be looked at ... don't be.  I assure you - we all knew you were human in the first place, you were missed and thought about, and a bunch of people probably just want to give you a hug.  Hopefully you won't stay gone for too long.

2.

Last night someone I respect a lot said there were a lot of people in his life that he wished would suffer just a little more so they would be forced to change.  They'd be better off if they could cross the line (without too many consequences).

I think this is true of just about the whole wide world.  Most of us live in an unnecessary state of discomfort.  Despite what many say, Americans have a high tolerance for pain.    That tolerance manifests itself in too much work, too much indulgence, and too much hanging on instead of embracing and living.

(I have not traveled enough abroad to make this statement about other cultures, though I imagine high tolerance to pain (especially emotional pain) is a human thing.)

Ultimately, there is too much self-centeredness.  This trait, in my mind, is an exhibition of high tolerance to pain.  Selfishness is only human nature to a reasonable level.  Beyond that, it is born of culture, history, media, and ego.  But too many are unaware that they need not exhibit such a level of selfishness to get through their day and their life.  Some are aware it causes pain, some are not.  Either way, I believe a reduction in the human tolerance to pain, would benefit the world.

Did you ever notice how people come together in times of crisis.  The pain is too great to be weathered alone.  Shouldn't we apply that lesson to our everyday, only minor/self crises life?  Maybe if we collectively crossed the line, the pain would be great enough to where we would have to live as though we needed each other to get through this very day.

Maybe people would speak easier, disagree softer yet more completely, aim to help others more.  It is my hope that AllMyAffairs.com will not just be an example of recovery to those who need it in the classic or clinical sense, but be an example of recovery to all. 

I would like not to water down my ideals (I think I've done a pretty good job in this post).  I could be broader, less niche, and appeal to more people, but then what would I stand for - money?  Money doesn't get me up in the morning.