All My Affairs Blog

Happy Thanksgiving!

A lot to be thankful for.  Enjoy your day.

A lot of encouragement, feedback and support

This process has been pretty cool for me.

I want to thank some people who helped make this possible.

Thanks Vikas and the entire team at Xicom.  Your support, professionalism, and execution have been impeccable.  I would recommend your outsourced website programming to anyone.

Thanks Chris C. for your feedback, thoughts, and interest.  Especially with the other things in my life distracting me from this, your encouragement and friendship means a lot.

Thanks Dad.  The dialogue and support has been incredibly helpful.  You are a mentor to me.

Thanks Pat H. for your guidance.  Even though life has been pretty nuts for you, you haven't forgotten about me.  You are a wonderful example, even when you don't realize it.

Thanks to everyone who has offered a word of support or advice or encouragement or interest.  I hesitate to put a list, because I will forget people, but I will: Montana, Geoff, Mazer, Tara, Butter, Jim, Tony, Shu, Gene, Jeff, Heather, Bonnie, Ann, RT, Brooklyn, Kevin C., Peter C., Tim Y., Lowy, and everyone I forgot -- Thanks.

Oh yeah - the site has launched.  Go be a part of.  allmyaffairs.com

Spiritually Sick isn't a real sickness

Plenty of people get sober without "formal" treatment from a treatment organization.  (As opposed to directly into AA, NA, or via some other method.)  Recovery would still exist without "treatment."  But my belief is that these organizations play a vital role.

So why are there so few of them?  Especially quality non-profits?

For instance, cancer and hiv/aids, to name only two, have far more non-profits dedicated to treatment, research, and education than alcoholism/drug addiction/substance abuse.  Cancer and hiv/aids organizations are clearly causes worthy of a great deal of support and resources.  But on a percentage of population basis, my anecdotal guess would be that substance abuse is a larger problem.

So why the disparate support and resources?

The only thing I can come up with is stigma.  "Alcoholics and drug addicts are weak.  They have no will power." 

Despite an evolving  popular mindset on the issue, this is still the feeling of many.

For over two years I tried to quit drinking.  Everyday the thought was, "I just need to get to nine o'clock.  Then the liquor store will be closed and I can go to bed."  My car no longer worked if I had any alcohol in my system, so I needed only to make it past nine, then get a little klonopin help, and I could make it through the day without a drink. 

7-9 every night were the longest hours of my life - and I had to live them everyday.  (Most nights I broke down at 8:57 and sped to the liquor store.)  It wasn't about will power. 

I can play squash for twenty minutes after I believe I've had a heart attack.  I can smoke a pack a day, then run for miles.  I can work everyday and most nights on something that may never show me dollar one.  And keep at it through doubts - because that is my vision.  I have will power.  Actually, a ton of will power.  But I couldn't stop filling my glass if you had a gun to my head.

I was sick.  Bodily, mentally, and spiritually sick.  It's the spiritually part that bothers some people.  It is my belief that spiritually sick, while maybe not on its way directly into the DSM, will increasingly be recognized as a serious ailment.  As much in need of treatment as cancer.

I'm grateful that there are organizations that help treat, educate about, and prevent substance abuse.  I just wish there were more.  I'm happy the alcoholism stigma is ebbing.  I just wish it was going slightly faster.  I'm happy, and grateful for the chance, to do my part in making my wishes reality.

Sorry about the slightly rambling post.  I guess I had more on my mind than I thought this evening.

As Good as it Gets

What is this thing Recovery and how is it supposed to play into our lives?  I mean, is this all we've got.  What am I supposed to do, go to meetings for the rest of my life and that's it?  Is this as happy as I'm gonna get?

These were some of the questions posed to me recently.  I'm the advisor (o or e?) who is supposed to answer questions like these.  Wow, that proposition still scares me.  But all I've got is my experience, so that's what I shared.

This thing is a launching pad.  A foundation.  It shows you how to live a life when you don't have a clue.  But it starts to give you a clue.  You start to understand a little bit about humility, compassion, and kindness.  You even become acquainted with the concept that it is actually better to help someone else than help yourself.  Great principles of existence are revealed and they start to become part of you.  You may not always remember them, but you always know that if forgotten too long, there is a reminder on a random wall in a random room in your random town.  A foundation is plain white.  Intricate architecture gets built on top of it.  Recovery is not all there is.  Recovery's the foundation, the blueprints and, depending on your experience, some of the architecture.  But it needn't, nor could it, be the whole building. 

My experience is not long, therefore it may not hold much weight to say that my life just keeps getting better.  But I listen to the people with a decade or two or five say that it keeps getting better everyday.  Not just easier not to take a drink, but the fourth dimension kind of better.  Where you have nothing but gratitude, and negative emotions pass like an interrupted dream in the morning.

I am completely without fear

• I could not write the code for a complicated website if there was a gun to my head.
• My project manager is a guy named Vikas.  I've never met him. Never even spoken to him on the phone.  He lives 11 time zones away.
• Implementation will probably be magnitudes harder than I think it will be.
• My ideas on introducing people to All My Affairs are ... unconventional.
• I've spent three months and $22,000 ... so far.
• I only have $10K left.
• The longest hours are yet to come.
• I have no idea if anyone will ever use it.
• Once it is released I will need to work and work some more making it better.

but,

• I'm grateful.
• I Love.
• I'm Loved.
• It is the right project for me.
• I'm doing what I believe in.  I'm passionate about it.
• I'm giving it 110%
• As Paul Simon would say, "My momma loves me."

What else is there?  Pursue what you believe in 110%.  Leave the rest to chance, because after your part, nothing more you can do anyway.  (I did my homework, worked a business plan, researched, planned, discussed, whatever, whatever, whatever.  In the end, I believe, that stuff isn't why you fail or succeed.  I'm not sure what is, I'll tell you when I get there.) 

But like I said, I'm going to leave it all on the field.

I read today that there is a difference between fear and anxiety. Fear is the reaction to a bad situation that keeps you alive, healthy, happy, etc.  Anxiety is making up the bad situation in your head.  I've got anxiety.  About allmyaffairs.com: I don't have enough recovery causes, these merchants don't want to work with me, I'm going to run out of money, this thing will never get off the ground.  Blah, Blah, Blah.  That's anxiety.  I'm grateful I can recognize it as such.

Recognize and ignore anxiety and leave it all on the field.  That's how I became completely without fear.

Thanks to the Big Moo for helping my thoughts on this one.  It's funny, the best business books are spiritual.  And I've learned a lot about business from The Dalai Lama and a guy named Chuck C.

A Fellowship

Two guys who used to attend my homegroup came back last night to give each other their 10 year chips.  They met in a halfway house and became best friends over the last ten years.  I want those kind of friendships.  Not that I don't have them, just that I hope I am fortunate enough that they will be stronger still a decade from now.

These were two guys who, by their own admission, nobody would have said had a prayer 10 years back.  Broken and drug addicted, they stumbled in and found each other.  Now, instead of stories of about  drinking, bars, and drugs, they have stories of wives and children and jobs and gratitude.

It's the little stories that show me the truth and expose my sometimes hiding gratitude and sentimentality.  I'm grateful for my friends and my life.

How do you see the world?

I sat in front of my house this evening with my girlfriend.  She asked me, "Doesn't that tree look like a painting?"  To me, it didn't.  It looked like the raw material for a family's home.  I am a creator - an entrepreneur.  It's how I see the world.  I see things as building blocks for human wants and needs.  Tara's an artist.  She sees things as a canvas.

I'm grateful I know how I see the world.  I think it's important to pursue how you see the world.  How do you see the world?  How does it apply to your everyday life?

We decided Carlin sees that same tree as a bathroom. 

Tears of Joy (in public?)

I got the chance to publicly express some gratitude last night.  I started to tear up a little bit.  It's not the first time it's happened in the last month.  I'm starting to turn into Dick Vermeil, and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it.  (Vermeil is the former NFL coach who cried at virtually every press conference)  I'm not sure it's going away, so I better get comfortable with it.

I just commented on Your Truly's blog that these new birthdays we've got, in many ways seem to better mark the actual time we've been alive.

I cried at my sister's wedding last weekend.  I was toasted in front of 150 people (what a big brother you've been, etc.).  My tears were partially coming because none of it was about me.  I didn't even have to stop to say, "It's not about me."  I was actually able to share in the joy of another person and just be a part of.  I'm grateful for that.

Nothing worth doing more

This is from a goal that I answered on 43Things.  You can learn more by clicking the link at the end of the post.  I share my experience, strength, and hope because it helps me live a happy life.

I said for about 3 years that I wanted to drink less. I actually couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even come close. Ultimately, I just had to stop drinking period. I needed help. I went to rehab and then worked the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous.

At first I thought it was some sort of hideous, disgusting cult/religious freak show – both of which I’m not into. Then I found out it’s nothing but a few simple ways to deal with my problems in a healthy way. Problems – we all got em, it’s about how we deal with em. Haven’t had a drink in two years tomorrow.

My life actually got really good after I’d put down the booze for awhile. I became employable again – no easy feat for a drunk AND a lawyer. (As a website owner and consultant – not an attorney.) And now I’m building a network for people in recovery at allmyaffairs.com.

So I learned to drink less by accepting I couldn’t drink at all.

See more progress on: drink less

A beginning

Thanks for coming by.  I'm Byron W. and this if the official blog of AllMyAffairs.com. 

We are building a website - a web community - where people can give back to recovery.  Some people might call it a sober social network, some might call it a sober search engine, some might call it a sober village.  Whatever you might call it, it's going to be about giving back to recovery. 

Hopefully, people will share their experience, their strength, and their hope.

We are in development right now.  With any luck, we will launch early in the fall.  Until then, this blog will be where I chronicle the process and deal with my own struggles in starting a new business.  It is my aim to do the right thing in all my business affairs.

My life has to be about transparency.  People close to me need to see what I am doing.  I need to be open and honest.  And I think anyone chronicling or participating in my business affairs deservses no less.  In the "Letters to Pat H." category you will be able to see me ask for help and guidance.  Pat H. is an important advisor to me.

Also, at any point, please feel free to contact me - byron at allmyaffairs dt com.  I would love to hear thoughts, feedback, and even criticisms.  It is not me who creates great things.  Great things are created when I am an open channel for inspired contributions.  And all positive contributions are inspired.  So please, anything welcome.