All My Affairs Blog

Some thoughts, maybe a rant

Some thoughts for today:

1.

When someone comes back into my day-to-day, back into the rooms I go to, or back into my circle of influence, I am grateful.  I am happy.  This is true whether they've been gone for two weeks or two years.

We needn't discuss where they've been, why they left or why they came back.  Sometimes it is discussed because it is important for them.  But it doesn't need to be discussed.  So if you've left for some reason and are afraid to come back for how it will all go down or how you'll be looked at ... don't be.  I assure you - we all knew you were human in the first place, you were missed and thought about, and a bunch of people probably just want to give you a hug.  Hopefully you won't stay gone for too long.

2.

Last night someone I respect a lot said there were a lot of people in his life that he wished would suffer just a little more so they would be forced to change.  They'd be better off if they could cross the line (without too many consequences).

I think this is true of just about the whole wide world.  Most of us live in an unnecessary state of discomfort.  Despite what many say, Americans have a high tolerance for pain.    That tolerance manifests itself in too much work, too much indulgence, and too much hanging on instead of embracing and living.

(I have not traveled enough abroad to make this statement about other cultures, though I imagine high tolerance to pain (especially emotional pain) is a human thing.)

Ultimately, there is too much self-centeredness.  This trait, in my mind, is an exhibition of high tolerance to pain.  Selfishness is only human nature to a reasonable level.  Beyond that, it is born of culture, history, media, and ego.  But too many are unaware that they need not exhibit such a level of selfishness to get through their day and their life.  Some are aware it causes pain, some are not.  Either way, I believe a reduction in the human tolerance to pain, would benefit the world.

Did you ever notice how people come together in times of crisis.  The pain is too great to be weathered alone.  Shouldn't we apply that lesson to our everyday, only minor/self crises life?  Maybe if we collectively crossed the line, the pain would be great enough to where we would have to live as though we needed each other to get through this very day.

Maybe people would speak easier, disagree softer yet more completely, aim to help others more.  It is my hope that AllMyAffairs.com will not just be an example of recovery to those who need it in the classic or clinical sense, but be an example of recovery to all. 

I would like not to water down my ideals (I think I've done a pretty good job in this post).  I could be broader, less niche, and appeal to more people, but then what would I stand for - money?  Money doesn't get me up in the morning.

Pat H. - #3

Pat,

Hope the trip was good, back safely, and all's well in your world.

Yesterday I got the first negative feedback.  Someone commented that I was part of the problem.  You and I know that it's my goal to be part of the solution.  I was surprised, pissed off, and a bit offended.  I have been really happy that there is this sort of outpouring of support so far.  A lot of people have offered to help in any way they can.  It's been awesome.  Why is it that I dwell on the negative, as opposed to seeing the positive?

I wish that things would roll off my back.  I feel as though I'm doing inspired work.  Not change the world stuff - but my part.  I think it's important that I remember my beliefs, and let others have their opinions too.  Easier said than done, I guess.

On the positive side, I didn't react.  I paused.  At first I started to shoot off an email with explatives I won't share here.  But I didn't.  I don't know why that person said what they said.  For whatever reason, they had to say it, and the reason is neither my business, nor particularly important to me.

And the site developer backed out on me yesterday.  Once again, didn't react.  Half an email of explatives was erased by a plan for finding a new team, which is well underway (five bids already).  Looks like the launch date may even be moved up slightly.

Just a side note - this is not me.  I send the nasty emails.  I hold resentments.  I tell everyone I know about bad experiences and people who suck.  I wallow in my problems until someone else fixes them.

But the person who handles these things with a bit of dignity and grace is me - on the program.  I think that the more I live with "me - on the program", the more it becomes just "me."  Thanks for your help with all that.

Byron

How do you settle?

Pat,

As with any new business, resources are limited.  Money and time are not in abundance.  I know from previous ventures and learning from mine and other people's mistakes, that this isn't necessarily a bad thing.  But in the process of going from ideal vision to producible vision, I've had to cut features and/or eliminate things I wanted to do with the site.

The site is about giving a piece of the money you spend on anything and everything to recovery causes that are important to you.  It's also about sharing what you've learned about recovery and who you are.  Those two facets are what's important for All My Affairs.  With limited time and money I've had to put those two things first.

But I'm the type of person who wants to do it all and be the best OR don't do it at all.  I want life to be black and white when really it's so many shades of grey.  But how do I settle?  How do I decide what to eliminate?  You've heard the vision of my idea.  What matters the most?   How do I show people in recovery I've built something for them that's great, when I know it could be greater than great?  Maybe I am a perfectionist. :)

Thanks as always,

Byron

Letters to Pat H. #1

Pat,

As we've discussed, this deal is really one of the only pure things I've ever had in my life.  Mostly everything else has included a large component of "What's in it for me."  So I worry that starting a business where recovery is the theme could compromise this.  Obviously, I'm going to do what I can so this does not happen. 

The fact that the majority of the money goes to recovery causes should make this less of a concern.  But that brings up another worry for me - people will not see me as authentic.  You and I know what I'm trying to do here is pure, but people who don't know me won't necessarily believe.  I suppose I just need to do my thing, be who I am, and let the chips fall where they may. 

Any thoughts, as always, are super appreciated.  -Byron